I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
