I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
