I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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