my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize