I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
