I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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