I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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