I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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