I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The power of my boobs compel you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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