I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
