Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
