I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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