Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
