I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
