Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
