; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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