Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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