He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
