will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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