I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sext me about skeletons
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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