bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
