I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's always time for handjobs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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