Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize