We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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