you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
