I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
