he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
