He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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