Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
