it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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