I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
