dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
