He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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