I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
