Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
