So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
