The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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