There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize