playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
