My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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