# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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