I have demons in me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
