Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
