OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
