help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
