I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
