i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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