he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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