THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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