Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
