i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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