if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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