one might say we're banned from that church
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
