I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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