I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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