Your dad touched me again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
