i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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