if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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