I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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