3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
