can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
