she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
