i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
