ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
