i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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