There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
