I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
