Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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