so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
