I accidentally had phone sex last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize