My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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