redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
