Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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